When Your Pipes Are Blocked (Both Kinds, or Actually ALL Kinds)

Last week, my overflowing shower and my sex life had a lot in common: wet, messy, unexpected, and definitely in need of some serious draining! Well, you curious kids (or as some would see it, pervs), as promised, here are some juicy details about what a sex coach’s sex life looks like!

Playdate #1: My Solo Debut (Sort Of!)

First up, a surprise reconnect with a playmate. We'd only ever engaged in group play together, so the build-up to our first 1:1 session had me nervous. Surprisingly, switching from a sweaty, sexy group dynamic to me having undivided attention stirred up my insecurities. What would it be like without the "extra bodies" stimulating him, and more importantly, distracting him from my perceived flaws? The realization of "oh wait, I’m going to be front and center!" (though, if I'm honest, I usually do fling myself into the limelight, mostly unintentionally so) had my mind spinning to places of "what if I am not good enough?" I had to give myself the "Woman, do you know who you are? And, what about your enjoyment here?" pep talk.

The menu of "poison" to pick from was very broad; I packed ALLLLL (almost) my goodies in my fun bag! As I arrived, some "kid" (probably 20 years old, bless his heart) jogged past and shouted, "You smell great, by the way!" Should've invited him to join the party! Maybe next time. Catching up, I sensed he needed to "get out of his head." So, we flowed into a "me giving, him receiving" session of sensual touchwork. It was a potent reminder of what a therapeutic escape simply receiving touch can be. We're all out there chasing those small glimpses of pleasure and happiness to make the stress of "adulting" even remotely worthwhile, aren't we?

Playdate #2: The Sweetness of Surrender (and a Flood!)

Then came another impromptu playdate with someone I've only ever been the bottom for. While I was shaving and getting ready for this very rendezvous, my shower decided to stage a dramatic protest and flooded the house. F*ck you, ADHD procrastination! I’d been telling myself FOR DAYS to unclog it!

The initial plan for this playdate was a beautiful spanking/impact session with me as the receiver, but then I switched it up. "What touch did he want and need?" So, for the first time with him, I ended up doing another session of sensual touchwork, with him being the receiver.

What keeps me coming back to this playmate is that I can openly articulate exactly what I need and why. He possesses this exquisitely delicate touch, coupled with an uncanny ability to read my body's responses. But more than anything, it's the fact that he truly listens to what I need, and never, ever pushes beyond my boundary point. We communicate, we've used the BDSMR+ tool from the outset (in very explicit detail), and we always revisit it before play. As we play more, I slowly start to melt a little more each time. I can't quite pinpoint what it is about our dynamic, but he brings out a fragility in me (which I've never discussed with him) that feels so held and safe. He is a rigger, so, yes, I've found myself in some incredibly interesting positions that have rendered me completely physically vulnerable.

Both sessions powerfully reminded me that when you're constantly in "servicing mode," as both of these amazing humans usually are (and yes, they are fricken great in bed, so I took one for the team), seeing them switch to receiving and experiencing how challenging that was mirrored my own journey. In life, we often self-sacrifice, and in bed, we can focus so much on pleasuring others – sometimes out of a need for validation, habit, pressure to "be good in bed," or even just obligation. It's perfectly okay to plainly state: "This is what I need today," without a shred of guilt. Sex has so many "whys"—sometimes to experience layers of intimacy, sometimes just to tap out of the stressors of life. That's precisely why it's called sexual health; it's the psychological and emotional nourishment that truly contributes to our overall well-being.

Date #3: A Different Kind of Connection: Unzipping My Soul

And then, a date with a new couple where the intention was to play. Yes, I find them both incredibly intriguing, and I'm deeply sexually curious about them. But for the first time in a long time, I found myself thinking, "I genuinely want to be their friends." They created a space where I naturally started unmasking (complete with the familiar anxiety creeping in), and as I gently communicated what I was experiencing and how "Sabian's brain works," they simply reassured me and made me comfortable just being me. They gave me what I needed, intuitively, without effort or judgment.

We didn't play that night, and wow, do they have a crazy collection of sex toys! (Seriously, google the Giga Denma Mega Massager – it's a super-sized, 43cm powerhouse of a wand, just insane! Oh, and I finally touched an electro-stim butt plug – also rather sizeable. They're clearly size queens!) But honestly, at the end of the night, when I found myself lying in my own bed, alone, I felt genuinely excited to see them again and just hang out. It's been a lifetime since I experienced that, and I felt more vulnerable lying in bed feeling this than I would post-sex with someone who's given me dickbrain (the equivalent of voodoo pussy, AKA pussy-whipped). Although I'm rather sure if and when they finally bed me, I will have both dick and voodoo pussy brain (already psychologically preparing for this as a form of manifestation. I do believe in fairies, I do, I do!).

Draining the Pipes: So, WTF Am I Actually Saying?

So, what did my overflowing shower and my wild sex life have in common last week? Wet, messy, and definitely blocked pipes that needed draining. But the beautiful, heartfelt takeaway is this: just like our physical pipes need clearing to flow freely, our emotional and sexual pipes need attention, too. We spend so much time "servicing" others, whether in life or in bed, that we often forget to ask ourselves what we truly need. And man, life is fucking tough on us all! We are all actually really in the same boat.

These experiences, from the intimate 1:1 sessions to the surprisingly profound connection with the new couple, were all about unblocking those emotional and physical channels. They reminded me that it's not just okay, but essential, to communicate your needs, to allow yourself to receive, and to embrace vulnerability. It's about finding that delicate balance where you can be both the giver and the receiver, where you can explore every facet of your desires, and where you can simply be — messy, wet, and gloriously unblocked. Because when your pipes are clear, darling, oh my lawd, does everything flow beautifully (sometimes accompanied by a waterworks show, tears or otherwise)!

So, Do You Need a Plumber? Cause, I Can Be Your Plumber, Outfit, Butt Crack and All!

So, you're looking to turn up the heat and explore your own wild side? You've come to the right place!

First, for the perfect soundtrack to your next escapade, dive into my Spotify profile. My themed playlists are guaranteed to get your blood pumping and your body grooving – trust me, I've got banging taste!Find them here!

And, to show you that I, too, actually listen, seeing as you're all so curious about the lifestyle AND want to explore the delicious layers of BDSM, I'm launching workshops soon, designed to help you try and make sense of something that never really makes sense (sex).

Does your fun bag need something extra? While they might not stock the Giga Denma Mega Massager, head over to Allure Sensuality Emporium using my special link here. The Doxie is a fricken JACK HAMMER! You’d likely need to have a liability waiver signed before using it on someone else though… 

Finally, if you're ready to embark on your own journey of sex, intimacy, and dating coaching, let's connect. It's time to get those pipes flowing freely together!

Thank you for your incredible support!

Many thanks, spanks and spills!

Sab